I was stuck. If even just for a minute, I was stuck. Nervous exhaustion from wanting only one thing. That one thing may not be worth my time. I need strong-willed intelligent people to defeat my arguements. I needed to trust the strong-willed intelligent people that I've chosen to surround myself with.
I'll admit it, I'm impatient. Instant gratification is so gratifying if you come from a place where you never expect gratification. I read so many philosophies that air towards the side of being humble. I'd love to be humble if it means feeling a better appreciation of the world around me from day to day.
But, no. My problem is that I'm impatient. You can't use being humble as a means to an end, because then it will never end and it's not really being humble, it's being selfish. Being selfish is ugly, sharing your happiness and geniune appreciation with other people is beautiful.
I felt a few days ago (and for a long time before that) as if I had no more happy to offer. I need to remember the things that make me happy, such as patches of grass in the middle of busy streets and willow trees. They are simple things, but to just watch them or touch them fills me with a feeling of content. I choose not to question this contentedness because I know that these are the things that were put here for me to enjoy.
And I love them.
ps. Most basically in the stock market of my life: Down with analyzation, up with experience!
pps. There's a huge difference between pretending nothing's wrong with you and actually being okay, if you don't know that yet I hope life teaches you. Too.